An Artist With A Purpose???

I am an artist but…

I think nothing can be  more heart wrenching to an artist than having this gift, whether it be sculpting, drawing, painting, whatever, and it never gets shared. People aren’t buying it for whatever reason.  You know deep in your heart you’ve been given this gift and you might not know why, but it comes to you like magic.  An idea just pops into your mind and comes out in forms on paper, in clay, on canvas… you can’t stop…not until it’s finished.  Then it’s done and  you step back to look at it.  You sometimes can’t even fathom that this idea, this piece was created by you…and that’s the beauty. You somehow feel like the messenger.  Then it starts all over.  The next piece. Always the next piece.  You can not stop.  It’s like an addiction.  This piece will be better than the last..and it usually is. Over and over.

But here is the sad part.  you look at the pieces and they don’t mean much after all if they are not admired or shared in some way. To help or to mend someone…something.  To make a statement…to share a feeling…to make someone say “yes, I understand that”…”I have felt the same way”.

The piece just sits there on a shelf, in a drawer or a file.  Where does it go from here?

I have tried so many ways to sell my work on cards, posters, stickers,  sending to licensing companies, selling online, to no avail. You may sell a little here and a little there.  But soon you start asking, “What’s wrong?”  Why did you give me this gift if it just sits there collecting dust.  Do I start over?  Do I try something totally different?  I can’t move.  I don’t know what to do next”.  I want to give up, but the ache is still there.

Am I alone???  Does anyone understand???

Then one day, you see in a magazine or online somewhere, that an artist who just scribbles lines on a paper has made it big.  The designs are everywhere…on cards, in shops, made into figurines, whatever, and you just want to cry. I literally sat the other day, my artwork sprawled out in front of me on the floor, and angrily asked into the empty air…”If you gave this  gift to me, tell me what to do!  What does this all mean???”

I am not a business person, I haven’t got an agent.  I don’t know influential people.  I am an artist.  An artist without a destination- like I’m wandering  in the mist.  That’s what it feels like.  I just want to give my work a place…a place to grow, to be shared, enjoyed…so that maybe… I can say that I have  finally given it  a life now.  I can finally be at peace.  There is a purpose to it all.  It  would finally makes sense.

That… would be sheer heaven.

A card design out in the market today (unbelievable)

 

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The Dream

I wrote this just recently as I started a new job and seemed I would never get back to my drawing again.  I get depressed and sullen when I can’t get back to the drawing board and express my emotions in art.  It’s just a part of me.

The other day, I just started thinking how long I have been at this and trying to become published on cards or flags…anything. To have a company decide to say “yes, we’ll try this”, instead of all the rejections.  More than 25 years I have been doing this.  And so , I decided to write this poem about someone who had to finally give up the dream, and say goodbye.  When you are an artist at heart, you can never truly say goodbye to the dream, but this is what it felt like to me. And yes, I cried.  And I can’t say I will truly ever give up.  Here is the poem:

The Dream

*I’ve come to say goodbye.

Although I will think of you often,  I have to grow up now and think of other things.

It was nice to think about you, though,

giving me the hope that I had something more to offer in my lifetime, so I wouldn’t feel so dead inside.

I guess it was just all a fallacy,

thinking I could somehow be another Mary Engelbreit,

living a life full of creativity and art and making a difference in the world.

You will forever be on my mind, but I will try hard to forget you.

It is just too painful.

I will now be too busy and  have other things to worry about,

like schedules, appointments and the daily rush.

So see, it won’t be so hard to forget you.

But you will always be a part of me and I know the memory of you will come out in random times of quietness and solitude.

I will think about how you made me feel alive, young, energetic and full of hope,

possibly changing the way the world thinks-

but I guess it wasn’t meant to be, you and I.

I’m so sorry.

Maybe I never really gave you the full attention and dedication,

even the time to our relationship, so you could grow the way you should have.

But life happens and things get put on hold and we fall back,

and I’m just too tired now to start over again and deal with the rejections

and trying to find someone to bring this all together.

So goodbye dream.  Goodbye for now.

I’m grateful you came into my life when you did.

Maybe someday, after I’m gone, they will find pieces of you and me and our lives together

and what could’ve been, and somehow put us back together.

And maybe then they will see our relationship wasn’t “all for nothing”.

Then maybe, just maybe, something we created together will be revealed… and possibly…

… stir up a memory

…reinforce a thought

…change an attitude

…make a difference.

I just wont be here to see it… and that’s okay.

And so, Dream, you won’t just shrivel up and die,

you will live on…

like you were intended to do all along. 🙂

Cheryl<3

Have a Happy Healthy New Year

Hoping everyone out there has a happy healthy new year.  I plan on making some big changes this year with myself and for my family.

This coming new year, I plan on setting some serious goals, not just for my artwork, but for trying new things.  Eating at different restaurants,visiting different sites, maybe even go to a contra dance!  

Well, I am still trying to figure this whole blog thing out still, and I want to post some pictures of my artwork.  When I figure this out, I will be posting many pictures here.  Crossing fingers!!!!

If this works, this is a picture I made for my husband for Christmas.  It is silhouettes of my three kids.  I loved the way it came out.

Well enjoy and be safe.  Bye for now.  Cheryl