Who Am I

Okay, I found another one. This is another entry I found in my journal from my days when my children were just little (1990’s).

I guess I was going through a tough time when I wrote this.  When I read it, I remember the feeling all too well.  I guess I still feel like this on occasion.

This is titled “Who Am I”:

Who am I?

I think I’ve forgotten.

Too much to think about.  Too much to do.

I wish I could find myself again.

What was I like???  Was I fun???  Did I have a sense of humor???

I can’t remember.

Sometimes I feel as if I’m yelling all the time,now.

I don’t have many quiet moments anymore.

I think I’ve lost me.  Have I?

Am I the girl who loved horseback riding, folk music, the ballet, perhaps?

Is this the girl who long ago, stood in a large, open field and loved the feeling of space all around her?

How small I seemed to be.

Look at the sky, the clouds, the sun going in and out of places.

Even when I was out there by myself, I never really felt alone.

 I loved  the smell of sweet, damp earth in the morning and burning leaves in the fall.  This was me.

Loving nature.  Seeing it. Experiencing it.  Taking a mental picture of it , so the memory could be recalled whenever I wished.

Am  I still here?

I feel I’m sitting in the back somewhere…waiting my turn to come out…again.

Will I be too old then?  It’s too busy now.

I go by the clock and 3 children.

There are doctors and dentists and haircuts.  Dinners and lunches to prepare, cleaning, laundry and dishes.

Baths to give.  Stories to read.  Diapers and crying.

But…

There is also laughter.

I used to like to laugh, didn’t I?

And now, when there’s a rainbow, a beautiful sunset, a quiet snowstorm, or even a still,hazy morning, I grab my children and “share” it with them.

Do they see what I see?  Hear what I hear?  Feel what I feel?

This is what I’m all about.

This is what I love.  Will they?

So, I suppose I do come out now and then… only in different ways.

I just “share” myself more now.

So, I guess I’m really not lost…

after all.  🙂

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2 comments on “Who Am I

  1. Wilma Ham says:

    Hi Cheryl.
    Oh how I can relate to this; “Who am I? . . .I think I’ve forgotten. . . Too much to think about. . . Too much to do.”

    Constant interruption, so many tasks that demand your attention, no wonder we fade away if you come to think of it.
    Any thought has no chance to come to fruition as there is always something outside ourselves wanting our attention.
    However as you say you do come out when you connect with the beauty of nature and so do I.

  2. Thank you so much for your comment. It’s good to know I’m not the only one feeling this way sometimes. 🙂

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