I wrote this just recently as I started a new job and seemed I would never get back to my drawing again. I get depressed and sullen when I can’t get back to the drawing board and express my emotions in art. It’s just a part of me.
The other day, I just started thinking how long I have been at this and trying to become published on cards or flags…anything. To have a company decide to say “yes, we’ll try this”, instead of all the rejections. More than 25 years I have been doing this. And so , I decided to write this poem about someone who had to finally give up the dream, and say goodbye. When you are an artist at heart, you can never truly say goodbye to the dream, but this is what it felt like to me. And yes, I cried. And I can’t say I will truly ever give up. Here is the poem:
*I’ve come to say goodbye.
Although I will think of you often, I have to grow up now and think of other things.
It was nice to think about you, though,
giving me the hope that I had something more to offer in my lifetime, so I wouldn’t feel so dead inside.
I guess it was just all a fallacy,
thinking I could somehow be another Mary Engelbreit,
living a life full of creativity and art and making a difference in the world.
You will forever be on my mind, but I will try hard to forget you.
It is just too painful.
I will now be too busy and have other things to worry about,
like schedules, appointments and the daily rush.
So see, it won’t be so hard to forget you.
But you will always be a part of me and I know the memory of you will come out in random times of quietness and solitude.
I will think about how you made me feel alive, young, energetic and full of hope,
possibly changing the way the world thinks-
but I guess it wasn’t meant to be, you and I.
I’m so sorry.
Maybe I never really gave you the full attention and dedication,
even the time to our relationship, so you could grow the way you should have.
But life happens and things get put on hold and we fall back,
and I’m just too tired now to start over again and deal with the rejections
and trying to find someone to bring this all together.
So goodbye dream. Goodbye for now.
I’m grateful you came into my life when you did.
Maybe someday, after I’m gone, they will find pieces of you and me and our lives together
and what could’ve been, and somehow put us back together.
And maybe then they will see our relationship wasn’t “all for nothing”.
Then maybe, just maybe, something we created together will be revealed… and possibly…
… stir up a memory
…reinforce a thought
…change an attitude
…make a difference.
I just wont be here to see it… and that’s okay.
And so, Dream, you won’t just shrivel up and die,
you will live on…
like you were intended to do all along.